Everything done in darkness, will eventually be brought into the light.
I ran, but all it did was keep me one step ahead of my past. I tried to start over; new name, new identity. But you can't change your soul.
A fresh start at college was just what I needed. For a while, it worked. I was the party girl, the one that seemed confident, but it was a lie.
When guys kissed me--I felt only pain.
When they touched me--Nothing but fear.
Deep inside, every girl wants to be the beauty in the story, to find someone that will see you as their world.
But the truth? I was the beast. And as much as I wanted redemption, I wasn't fool enough to think I'd ever get it.
Until he walked into my life.
I wasn't prepared to fall for someone. My scars were too deep, the wounds too raw. But he offered me peace, he offered me security. I should have known it was just another lie--I should have known that falling in love with my professor was a bad idea.
But I was powerless to stop myself from falling.
And he was powerless to catch me.
Because the darkness finally caught up to me, and as fate would have it, a cruel twist almost bled me dry. But I'm stronger than I knew. I'm stronger than you think.
You think you know my story, but you don't....after all everyone has Shame in their lives-- and I'm no longer afraid to show you mine.
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EXCERPT
“Just hold still!” I yelled, holding
up my phone while Gabe gave me the finger. I grimaced and dropped the camera
away from my face. “Nice, thanks for that.”
“I’m a giver.” He smirked.
Saylor, his wife, smacked him on the
arm and rolled her eyes.
“Ouch.”
I scrunched up my face when he leaned
in and took Saylor’s mouth with his, kissing her senseless in the local
Starbucks like they were doing a romance scene in a movie. I coughed.
They didn’t pull apart.
So I took a picture.
I earned another finger, but Gabe
still didn’t dislodge from his wife.
“Whoa!” Wes’s voice sounded from
behind me. “They been at it long?”
“Are all newlyweds disgusting?” I
voiced aloud.
Wes moved around the table with his
wife, Kiersten, and gave me a goofy shrug. I wanted to roll my eyes, but Wes
was too nice and hot. Let’s not forget the hot part. Both he and Gabe were like
walking poster boys for GQ. Both blond, now that Gabe had decided to dye his
hair back to his original color. It was like staring at two really bright
superstars.
Hating them was like hating the
Easter bunny. Try all you want, but you’ll eat every piece of chocolate in the
basket, just you wait.
“So, classes?” Kiersten leaned
forward. “I heard you got stuck with that hot new psych prof.”
Wes growled low in his throat.
“Down boy.” I braced my hands on the
table and laughed. “Besides he’s not that hot.”
“A girl passed out.” Kiersten’s
eyebrows shot up. “Like in class.”
“Dehydration?” I shrugged, taking a
sip of coffee.
“Or…” She leaned forward. “…the
rumors are true.”
“Rumors…” Gabe backed away from
Saylor, his lips swollen. “…are always based on truth.”
“So you really did do a naked dance
in your underwear last week after getting drunk downtown at Pike Place Market?”
I tilted my head and waited while Gabe rolled his eyes and popped his knuckles.
“Exactly.”
He opened his mouth.
I took a picture.
With a grimace, he snatched my phone
away from me. “Never thought I’d have to tell you to lay off the pictures, Miss
Paparazzi.”
I slumped in my seat. “It’s for an
assignment with that hot professor.”
“Aha!” Kiersten jabbed her finger at
me. “I knew it.”
I pinned her with a look. “Sarcasm,
friend, sarcasm.”
“Boys get girls pregnant,” Gabe
offered, while Wes choked on the coffee he’d just stolen out of my hand.
Serves him right!
“Don’t date them.”
“You’re going to be a great dad.” I
smiled sweetly. “What? You’re just going to lock your girls in their rooms and
go—” I mimicked his voice. “—uh, you see boy parts are bad, they make girls
have lots of babies, like rabbits, and you know how rabbits make dad nervous
and—”
“Hilarious,” Gabe’s eyes narrowed.
“And please don’t talk about kids yet…”
Saylor laughed quietly next to him
then squeezed his arm.
My heart dropped.
A very long time ago, I’d wanted to
be that for Gabe, then Taylor happened and well… I shuddered, blocking out the
painful memories, the things I’d done, the things he’d done, the things we’d
done.
“You okay?” Wes asked, his voice
soft. He was way too perceptive for my taste. If I’d wanted to share, he’d be
the guy I’d talk to, but I was a vault. Sharing meant admitting my guilt, and
admitting meant I’d probably go insane just like he had.
“Yeah…” I straightened in my seat.
“…I just don’t want to fail my class, and I need to write down nonverbal cues
and take at least one picture. And pretty sure I need to ace this first
assignment on account that I was late to my prof’s class, and I got in
trouble.”
“He spank you?” Gabe’s eyes mocked
across his coffee.
“Yes, Gabe,” I said calmly. “Because
that’s how they punish bad students here at UW — with a yardstick and a smile.”
“I wish.” He whistled. “What I
wouldn’t give to have Saylor—”
I plugged my ears.
He threw his head back and laughed
while Saylor turned bright red and put her hand over his mouth to shush him.
“So…” Wes ignored Gabe as was his
usual and leaned across the table. “…why don’t you take pictures of people here
in the coffee shop? I mean, ask permission, but most people here are super
interesting, right? Studying? Stressed out? Tired?” He pointed to a guy in the
corner. “He looks like he’s running on five cups of coffee and one hour of
sleep. Go ask, take the picture, make some notes, project done.”
“You make it sound so easy,” I
grumbled.
He grinned. “I’m Wes Michels.”
I hung my head lower and grimaced.
“Phone.” He held out his hand and
stood.
Within minutes, not only had he
snapped two pictures for me but had taken notes on two pre-med students who had
stayed up all night cramming for what they’d assumed would be a pop quiz, only
to find out that they’d been in the wrong class on the wrong day.
“And that’s why I'm not pre-med.”
Gabe shuddered.
“Really?” Kiersten asked. “I thought
it was because big words scared you?”
“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
What now?” He nodded. “Keep talking, Kiersten, or keep walking.”
“Spell it.” She smirked.
“So this professor…” Gabe changed the
subject. “If he tries anything, use the Mace or the rape whistle.”
“Right.” I nodded. “I’ll be sure to
do that. In class. With a hundred other students. When he looks at me
cross-eyed.”
“Good,” he huffed.
“I was kidding.”
Saylor patted Gabe’s shoulder. “Gotta
let the baby birds out of the nest someday, Gabe.”
Rachel Van Dyken is the New York Times, Wall Street
Journal, and USA Today Bestselling author of regency and contemporary romances.
When she's not writing you can find her drinking coffee at Starbucks and
plotting her next book while watching The Bachelor.
She keeps her home in Idaho with her Husband and their snoring Boxer, Sir Winston Churchill. She loves to hear from readers! You can follow her writing journey at www.rachelvandykenauthor.com
She keeps her home in Idaho with her Husband and their snoring Boxer, Sir Winston Churchill. She loves to hear from readers! You can follow her writing journey at www.rachelvandykenauthor.com
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